It would seem that we, as a nation, cannot leave our beverages alone, and are always looking for the next gimmicky sip. I read this article proclaiming cold brew and coconut La Croix the “drink of the summer,” and reacted with a mixture of incredulity and resignation.
Because honestly, coconut La Croix? That flavor of seltzer is La Croix’s worst—it tastes like diluted, carbonated sunscreen, and I don’t know why anyone would want to do that to cold brew. I’m also just not a huge fan of putting carbon dioxide in my coffee. (Cold brew on nitro is a totally different story, however; the bubbles are nice and small, and give the coffee a smooth, creamy mouthfeel.) Plus, I’ve tried some fancy coffee soda things, and found that they mostly just cause oral confusion. (See exhibit A below, which was the most perplexing thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.)
But I was told not to “knock it until I tried it,” so I tried it, to see it mixing delicious cold brew coffee with the worst La Croix flavor in existence would somehow result in something I would want to drink all summer long.
I mixed roughly equal parts of cold brew concentrate and satan’s seltzer, took a sip, and was … underwhelmed. It wasn’t exactly bad, but the combination of big bubbles and coconut essence muted the pleasant aspect the coffee’s flavor in a major way, and made it taste rather sharp, enhancing the bitterness.
Being fully aware of my prejudice towards the can of tropical bubbly water, I decided to try another flavor, and reached for a Polar or the black cherry persuasion. This ended up being much much worse, with the cherry essence and coffee joining forces to create a flavor…